Post by Admin on Dec 13, 2012 22:06:17 GMT -5
Parental Politics
What no one else will tell you
It happens so quickly sometimes you don't see it. One day, all is right with the world, your daughter is on a good team, and everyone is your friend. Then, all of a sudden like a Kansas tornado, you are caught up in it! Travel Ball Parent Politics! How do you deal with it?
Well, like any other conflict, there is an art to dealing with parental politics. First you have to know it when you see it. Here are some common signs of parental politics:
1. Cliques : Yes, I know you thought they went out with middle school, but I am here to tell you they are alive and well in the adult world. These are the people who cluster in their own corner of the bleachers and talk about everyone else and everyone else's children. They do everything together and exclude others from the "club." Cliques are deceptive because the people in the clique will try to "snare" you in. The best defense against the clique? Be courteous, but not too friendly. When they engage in gossip, either change the subject, ignore it, or go to the concession stand for a quick bottle of water. Don't get drawn in. One day they talk to you, the next ABOUT YOU!
Some ways to deflect this group:
" Hi. Gee, I better go over and get my daughter some water. She looks thirsty!"
" Thanks. I am going to sit where my ( friend, mother, husband, dog ) etc. is. "
2. The Grievance Committee: This is the group on the team who appoint themselves the spokespeople to the coaching staff about everything. They are never happy. They always know a better way to do things than anyone else. If they can, they will drag you in on their complaints and use your name as a reference. Stay away from these people and if they start complaining about something, walk away. If you have a complaint with a coach, go directly to him/her. Most coaches appreciate the direct approach, especially if you have kept your thoughts between you and the coach.
Some ways to deflect this group:
" I always share any ideas I have directly with the coach."
3. The Superstars: This is the parent or group of parents whose children are the best players( whether they really are or not), and they let you know it in no uncertain terms.. These folks can be seen bragging about their daughter's batting average, pitching e.r.a. , great hits, great plays, etc. Not only that, they spend a lot of time belittling other players as well. They are also the ones who make huge demands of the team. The key to these people is to be polite but avoid them at all cost. By all means, do NOT get in a bragging contest with them! In many cases, teams end up letting these kids go ( and their parents as well) because they are disruptive to team unity.
Some ways to deflect that group:
" Gee, that's great that your daughter is doing so well. I think I'll go get my daughter some water."
Look at the person when they brag and ask, innocently, " Is that GOOD???" Then walk away while the person is stunned.
4. The Whiners: Travel ball is such a hassle for these people that you wish they would put their daughter into something else. These people complain about everything! They are the only ones ( wink, wink) who have invested time and money into the team. They don't like taking their daughters to practice, to games, etc. Everything is SO much effort!
Some ways to deflect that group:
" Yes, sometimes it's hard to get her to practice. We just do the best we can because she loves softball so much."
5. Coaches in the Outfield : This is a fun group to be around. Unlike "Angels in the Outfield" these parents know how to caoch the team better than anyone. AND, the only kid who does everything RIGHT on the team is their kid. Too bad she can't play all the positions or clone herself. Wha t is interesting about these parents is how much time they spend telling you of their qualifications (ex: " The first grade softball team I coached went 11-0 one year." )
Ways to Deflect that group:
1. Earplugs
2. Deck the parent when he criticizes your kid ( not recommended, but one can dream!)
3. Stay out of ear shot.
6. The Know it All : This is a fun parent to be around. They know all the rules of the game by heart, know all the teams, and just know everything about everything! They will not hesitate to let you ( and the coaches) know how much they know. The most amusing thing I have seen from these parents is when they come over (from the outfield of course, see #5) to tell the coach about a call the umpire made incorrectly that the manager apparently missed and should have argued about. These parents are closely allied with the Outfield Group.
Ways to deflect:
1. Earplugs ( yes, again)
2. NEVER get into an argument with this person. No matter what you show them, they will STILL know better. If you find yourself in an argument with them, pretend your cell phone has vibrated and you need to take the call, immediately!
3. Respond with, " Gee, you must be the smartest person alive." This usually stops them in their tracks!
So, now that you are avoiding all these people, how can you have any fun at games?
1. Ally yourself with parents and families that have the same values and attitudes as you do. Keep the conversation positive and fun during games. Don't exclude others and welcome newcomers.
2. Be up front and honest with everyone, but don't critique or gossip about others. Fight the urge to get " down and dirty" with these people. If you have to say something, make it clear, direct, and to the point. Ex: " I'm sorry, Judy, but I don't think it is fair to criticize the coaches behind their back. I always go right to them with any questions or complaints."
3. Keep your focus on the kids and the fact that this is supposed to be a fun, positive, learning experience.
4. Remember, there is more to life than travel softball! Find a place to sit and watch where you can enjoy the game. If that means you take your chair to center field and listen to your Ipod, then that works!
5. Move if you have to. Sometimes the experience is so harmful to you, your family and your daughter that you may have to move her to a different team. When you do, look at the parents in the stands as you tryout. Are these people you want to spend your time with?
www.softballmom.org/index.html
What no one else will tell you
It happens so quickly sometimes you don't see it. One day, all is right with the world, your daughter is on a good team, and everyone is your friend. Then, all of a sudden like a Kansas tornado, you are caught up in it! Travel Ball Parent Politics! How do you deal with it?
Well, like any other conflict, there is an art to dealing with parental politics. First you have to know it when you see it. Here are some common signs of parental politics:
1. Cliques : Yes, I know you thought they went out with middle school, but I am here to tell you they are alive and well in the adult world. These are the people who cluster in their own corner of the bleachers and talk about everyone else and everyone else's children. They do everything together and exclude others from the "club." Cliques are deceptive because the people in the clique will try to "snare" you in. The best defense against the clique? Be courteous, but not too friendly. When they engage in gossip, either change the subject, ignore it, or go to the concession stand for a quick bottle of water. Don't get drawn in. One day they talk to you, the next ABOUT YOU!
Some ways to deflect this group:
" Hi. Gee, I better go over and get my daughter some water. She looks thirsty!"
" Thanks. I am going to sit where my ( friend, mother, husband, dog ) etc. is. "
2. The Grievance Committee: This is the group on the team who appoint themselves the spokespeople to the coaching staff about everything. They are never happy. They always know a better way to do things than anyone else. If they can, they will drag you in on their complaints and use your name as a reference. Stay away from these people and if they start complaining about something, walk away. If you have a complaint with a coach, go directly to him/her. Most coaches appreciate the direct approach, especially if you have kept your thoughts between you and the coach.
Some ways to deflect this group:
" I always share any ideas I have directly with the coach."
3. The Superstars: This is the parent or group of parents whose children are the best players( whether they really are or not), and they let you know it in no uncertain terms.. These folks can be seen bragging about their daughter's batting average, pitching e.r.a. , great hits, great plays, etc. Not only that, they spend a lot of time belittling other players as well. They are also the ones who make huge demands of the team. The key to these people is to be polite but avoid them at all cost. By all means, do NOT get in a bragging contest with them! In many cases, teams end up letting these kids go ( and their parents as well) because they are disruptive to team unity.
Some ways to deflect that group:
" Gee, that's great that your daughter is doing so well. I think I'll go get my daughter some water."
Look at the person when they brag and ask, innocently, " Is that GOOD???" Then walk away while the person is stunned.
4. The Whiners: Travel ball is such a hassle for these people that you wish they would put their daughter into something else. These people complain about everything! They are the only ones ( wink, wink) who have invested time and money into the team. They don't like taking their daughters to practice, to games, etc. Everything is SO much effort!
Some ways to deflect that group:
" Yes, sometimes it's hard to get her to practice. We just do the best we can because she loves softball so much."
5. Coaches in the Outfield : This is a fun group to be around. Unlike "Angels in the Outfield" these parents know how to caoch the team better than anyone. AND, the only kid who does everything RIGHT on the team is their kid. Too bad she can't play all the positions or clone herself. Wha t is interesting about these parents is how much time they spend telling you of their qualifications (ex: " The first grade softball team I coached went 11-0 one year." )
Ways to Deflect that group:
1. Earplugs
2. Deck the parent when he criticizes your kid ( not recommended, but one can dream!)
3. Stay out of ear shot.
6. The Know it All : This is a fun parent to be around. They know all the rules of the game by heart, know all the teams, and just know everything about everything! They will not hesitate to let you ( and the coaches) know how much they know. The most amusing thing I have seen from these parents is when they come over (from the outfield of course, see #5) to tell the coach about a call the umpire made incorrectly that the manager apparently missed and should have argued about. These parents are closely allied with the Outfield Group.
Ways to deflect:
1. Earplugs ( yes, again)
2. NEVER get into an argument with this person. No matter what you show them, they will STILL know better. If you find yourself in an argument with them, pretend your cell phone has vibrated and you need to take the call, immediately!
3. Respond with, " Gee, you must be the smartest person alive." This usually stops them in their tracks!
So, now that you are avoiding all these people, how can you have any fun at games?
1. Ally yourself with parents and families that have the same values and attitudes as you do. Keep the conversation positive and fun during games. Don't exclude others and welcome newcomers.
2. Be up front and honest with everyone, but don't critique or gossip about others. Fight the urge to get " down and dirty" with these people. If you have to say something, make it clear, direct, and to the point. Ex: " I'm sorry, Judy, but I don't think it is fair to criticize the coaches behind their back. I always go right to them with any questions or complaints."
3. Keep your focus on the kids and the fact that this is supposed to be a fun, positive, learning experience.
4. Remember, there is more to life than travel softball! Find a place to sit and watch where you can enjoy the game. If that means you take your chair to center field and listen to your Ipod, then that works!
5. Move if you have to. Sometimes the experience is so harmful to you, your family and your daughter that you may have to move her to a different team. When you do, look at the parents in the stands as you tryout. Are these people you want to spend your time with?
www.softballmom.org/index.html