Post by Admin on Dec 13, 2012 21:59:43 GMT -5
Are You a Helicopter Parent?
I was recently reading my issue of USA GYMNASTICS magazine when I came across a great article by Dr. Robyn J.A. Silvermann. The main point of the article is that parents can't just let go of their children. Although the article was about gymnastics schools, I think its point translates well to Softball, or any other sport for that matter. I have summarized a few key points here.
What is a helicopter parent? It's a parent who " swoops down and rush in to prevent any possible harm or discomfort that might befall their child-even if such lessons would help their child learn from their mistakes. "
So, what's the problem? The problem is that these parents want to do EVERYTHING for their child. As a coach, this becomes tough to deal with. How many coaches have you heard say," It's not the kids that I mind so much.... it;s the parents. The urgings of "you can do it" have turned to "just let me do it. It will be faster, bigger, bolder and just plain better if I do it."
So, other than the thought that these parents can do it better for their child why do they do it?
1. Control: Parents can't control terrorists, pedophiles, or other people who may do harm to their child. They can, however, control who their child spends time with and how they spend it.
2. Fear of Failure: These moms and dads cannot stand by and watch their child feel inadequate or miserable. The problem is that children need to learn to deal with these feelings and they can't learn it without dealing with them.
3. Desire to live vicariously: These parents want acceptance and approval from their helicopter activities. They take it personally when their child does not succeed.
4. Entitlement: These parents are always on the lookout for how their child compares to others. They keep looking at "everyone else's plate." They believe their child should get more of their time, energy, etc.
NEGATIVE EFFECTS:
1. Undermining their children's success: One of the indicators of successful people is the ability to handle ones own lives with confidence. This foundation of self -reliance lays the goundwork for commitment, perseverance, goal achievement, anc courage. When parents take over, they do not allow their child to learn how to take charge of their own lives.
2. Instilling fear of failure: If a child learns that success depends of mommy and daddy, he can become fearful of failing if he is on his own. If a child never gets to deal with failure ( which is a fact of life) he never learns how to persevere.
3. Stunting growth and development: Children with helicopter parents lose the ability to solve their own problems, provide their own needs, etc. They are less mature than their counterparts.
Strategies to "get over it."
1. Take advantage of disappointment. Disappointments are a great opportunity to learn resiliency. Allow your child to deal with negative events by empathizing and then helping your child "move on" instead of you trying to fix the problem.
2. Encourage your child to talk to the coach herself to handle any problems.
3. Let go a little at a time. Determine one or two things that a child can handle on her own during a set period of time. It can be smaller things to begin with. Over time, your child will be handling things more and more on her own.
4. Stay positive and "cheer" yourself on. Congratulate yourself or treat yourself everytime you stand back. To fight the feelings of temporary guilt, remind yourself that you are raising a future adult, not a future child. Every time you let your child handle things herself, you are helping her to become independent, resilitent, and strong.
USA Gymnastics Magazine, Volume #27, #8 - August, 2007
The following article was published in Sports Illustrated for Kids, June, 1997
BUILDING A TEAM PLAYER TEAMWORK SKILLS LEARNED ON THE
PLAYING FIELD CAN SERVE YOUR CHILD THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE
It was a situation that could have turned a game of baseball into a youth sports nightmare.
Late in a tight baseball game in Harlem last summer, the coach of a team of 13-to-15-year-olds realized that he hadn't met the league rules about playing time. Two players hadn't had their turn in the field. To accommodate both players meant taking out a key player. Not playing the reserves meant forfeiting the game.
As the kids began arguing over who would be benched, the team captain volunteered, "No problem, Coach, let him go in for me." The crisis was over, thanks to a simple act by a true team player.
Of course, it usually doesn't happen that way in youth sports (or college or the pros, for that matter). At a recent youth roller-hockey game, for example, the top player on one team hogged the puck virtually the entire game, making his teammates angry and frustrated. His team lost, 11-0.
It happens all the time: Basketball players take the wild shot, instead of making the pass, or soccer defenders wander out of position, leaving their teammates outmanned.
Being a team player is important, not only in sports but in life. The ability to cooperate, communicate, respect, and get along with others are valuable traits, whether you're in the board room or operating room, production line or chorus line. And there's no better place to learn these skills than on the playing field.
But becoming a good team player is a process, and it takes guidance. It's like building a house: Start with a good foundation, then move up. In preschool, children start to learn the concepts of sharing, taking turns, and cooperating. When you say things like, "Now, it's Tommy's turn," you are teaching your child to be a team player.
When your child starts to participate in team sports , he encounters different aspects of team play, such as the importance of team goals, roles, communication, camaraderie, and support. You can nurture his sense of team play by providing praise whenever you see him acting appropriately. A comment like "I saw you give Jose a pat on the back after he struck out. You're a good teammate" reinforces the importance of supporting teammates. Or saying "That pass you made to Suzy was pretty impressive" can lead to a discussion of how team play produces success.
If your child is not being a team player, take him aside and firmly but gently point out alternative behaviors. For instance, if he's trying to grab the basketball from his teammate, say, "If you want the ball, wave your arms and yell, 'I'm open!' "
The most important place to develop cooperation, respect, and support is in your everyday life. Children learn a lot from watching their parents , so make certain you are a good team player. Whether you are painting a room or dealing with a work crisis, goals, roles, communication, and other team-player skills are in order. Use those skills with your colleagues, your partners, and your kids. Chances are, your children will learn to use them too.
Dr. Michael Simon is a sports psychologist and a consultant to Major League Baseball, the National Hockey League, and the United States Tennis Association.
HOW TO CREATE A TEAM PLAYER
• Praise your child when he or she acts like a team player.
• After each game, ask your child, "What did you do for the team?"
• When watching sports with your child, point out examples of team play when you see them.
• Create a team environment at home in tackling common activities, such as preparing dinner.
• Make sure you act like a team player in sports and in everyday life.
Coaching Your Child in Youth Sports
By Jonathan H. Buzby
"The biggest challenge is how to treat your own child as a member of the team."
I have found two of the most challenging roles as an adult to be parenting and coaching children. This naturally makes coaching as a parent one of the toughest assignments you can undertake. Yet, as with parenting and coaching, being a parent-coach can be one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever encounter.
There are many reasons parents choose to coach. One is for the love of sports. There are many parents who coach before, during and after their own child plays sports. This parent probably played sports as a child and is a sports fanatic. A second reason parents coach is because their child will not participate if they are not involved in some way. Some children are accustomed to Mom and Dad being around all the time and do not take instruction well from others outside of a school setting. The third reason parents coach is because nobody else wants to do it. Without this dedicated parent the team might not exist. This parent may not have any sports experience, but is willing to take over the team for the benefit of the children.
Two of my proudest moments as a coach have been related to my role as a parent-coach. The first is when a mother told me it took her three practices to realize which child was mine. This told me that I was treating my child as a member of the team in all aspects of the practice. I instructed him as I did the other team members, spending as much individual time with him as I did with the other players but also insisting he follow the same rules as his teammates and not take advantage of Dad being the head coach.
No matter what reasons a parent becomes a coach the challenges are the same. The biggest challenge is how to treat your own child as a member of the team. Parents tend to treat their child in one of two ways. The first is by being harder on their child than the other team members. This is sometimes because a coach feels his/her child should lead by example. This might also be so the other parents won't accuse him/her of playing favorites. Regardless of the reason it should be avoided.
An example from my personal experience happened during a recent hockey game when I removed my son from the game because his shift was over and he began crying because he had not shot on goal yet. I became very angry ("no son of mine was going to carry on like that") and told him he wasn't going back in the game. I took a minute and recalled how I previously handled a similar situation with another player and realized I had made a mistake. I went to him and explained that "everyone has to play and take turns" and that he would get to go back in again when it was his shift. He quickly calmed down and returned to the game during his normal shift (he never did score). I learned an important lesson as a parent-coach that game.
The second way I have seen parent-coaches handle their own child is to treat him special. Special treatment is letting him always hit first or play a popular position all the time. This makes the transition to a non-parent head coach even more difficult and will upset the parents who paid money for their child to be treated as an equal player on the team. Your child has to understand that he will get to hit first or play point guard the same number of times all the other players do.
Treating your own child too harshly and favoring your child are two situations that should be avoided. One thing I've learned as a coach is to treat every child (including my own) like I would want my child to be treated if I weren't the coach.
My second proudest moment as a coach was when my son came over to the post-practice team huddle, put his arm around me and said, "Dad, you're a great coach!" I don't know of a parent or coach who couldn't be touched by that act of appreciation. It was a nice reminder that parents coach because they enjoy spending time with their kids and that your child will always appreciate you first and foremost as mom or dad.
You will be called upon to be a parent while you are coaching many times. It is difficult for kids to differentiate the roles of parent and coach and therefore you shouldn't expect them to never treat you like a parent during practices or games. An example would be when your child gets injured. Another player on the team might cry or get upset but probably wouldn't turn to you like he would his own parent. Your own child most likely will. He will expect you to act and treat him like a parent during these times and it is important that you do. If he falls and skins his knee at practice he expects you to treat him just like you do at home when the same thing happens. I tell parent-coaches to remember that "you'll be a coach for a season, you are a parent forever."
Another example would be when your child experiences the frustration of playing a bad game or losing. He won't want to hear your coaching speech on "lessons to be learned from losing" but instead will want to be consoled as a family member. I always make a point of avoiding "coach to player conversations" on the car ride home. Instead I make sure our conversation is as father and son whether we talk about the game or something completely irrelevant.
One last piece of advice I'll recommend is to take an opportunity to be a supportive parent-spectator for a season. This will give your child the experience of playing without you as a coach and might also give you some insight on how to treat him by seeing how he best reacts to different coaching styles.
No matter how many seasons you coach, being an effective parent-coach is a never-ending challenge. Keep these things in mind to help make coaching your child one of the best experiences you'll ever have.
Copyright © 1999 Jonathan H. Buzby Date Posted: May 1999
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Jonathan Buzby is the Director of Coaches Education for Special Olympics Delaware and is a volunteer coach for the Western Y.M.C.A. of Newark, Delaware. He has over fifteen years of experience administrating, teaching and coaching children in sports. He has written a book titled, "Coaching Kids: It's More than X's and O's". To order a copy of the book send $6.00 (shipping and handling included) to:
Kids-n-Sports
PO Box 1153
Bear, DE 19701-1153
Or e-mail your mailing address to kidsnsports@iname.com
DOES YOUR KID'S COACH KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING?
Source: www.sikids.com/sportsparents/coaching/coachknow.html
NEW NATIONAL STANDARDS TELL PARENTS WHAT TO EXPECT OF COACHES
by Kent Hannon
IF YOU'RE A PARENT OF ONE OF THE 30 MILLION U.S. children who participate in school - or community-based athletic programs, you should have asked yourself this question by now: Does my kid's coach know what he (or she) is doing?
But you probably haven't.
"We did a survey and found that the average youth sports coach spends 80 hours a season with his or her players," says Fred Engh, president of the National Youth Sports Coaches Association (NYSCA), a division of the National Alliance for Youth Sports . "And yet, for the most part, parents have no idea who that coach is, what he or she knows about sports , and what his or her values are in terms of kids having fun playing sports . Isn't that a travesty?"
Sometimes it's more than that. A lot more. Consider the following reported incidents:
In New York State, a Little League coach slammed an umpire to the ground over a disputed third-strike call against the coach's 11-year-old son.
In Iowa, a girls' softball coach was convicted of videotaping his players in the shower.
In California, an 18-year-old soccer player died of heatstroke during a six-mile run.
Fortunately, truly abusive and tragic incidents are rare. But how many times have you and your kids had to deal with a coach who: Puts too much emphasis on winning?
Doesn't understand the fundamentals of the sport he's coaching?
Jeopardizes players' health because of poor training procedures or improper use of safety equipment?
Reduces a player to tears by screaming or carrying on? Low expectations No self-respecting parent would dream of sending his or her child to a school in which the English teacher can't conjugate a verb or the kindergarten teacher doesn't know how to relate to 5-year-olds. Competency is something parents demand in teachers, and a college degree isn't proof of that competency. To get a teacher's license, special training is required. So why do parents who demand excellence in the classroom entrust their kids' physical and psychological development and well-being to coaches whose only credential is that they once played the sport or simply exhibit a willingness to show up on a regular basis?
One reason is that, when it comes to community-based youth leagues, often those parents "or their friends and neighbors" are the coaches. Most coaches of young kids are volunteers whose hearts are in the right place. Sometimes they know they are not qualified to coach a sport , like soccer, for example. But they stepped forward because no one else was willing to. Without them, the kids might not get to play.
Expectations of youth coaches are low also because there are so many volunteer coaches across the country. An estimated 2.5 million coaches run teams that involve kids between ages 6 and 18. And the turnover is extraordinary. "The typical youth sports coach has a career of three to five years," says Mike Clark of the Youth Sports Institute, at Michigan State University. "It pretty much parallels the participation of their child."
Finally, some standards Even if a parent wanted to evaluate his or her child's coach, until recently, there was no objective standard by which to do so. But last August, for the first time, a national set of coaching guidelines was released. Developed under the auspices of the National Association for Sports and Physical Education (NASPE), these standards establish fundamental competencies that communities, school systems, private leagues, administrators, parents , and athletes should expect of their coaches.
The standards took two years to develop; hundreds of coaches, administrators, and sports leaders provided input. The result is a 124-page booklet entitled National Standards for Athletic Coaches, which, while easier to understand than a computer manual, isn't exactly light reading. It lists 37 standards in eight different areas of concern, setting five levels of competency in each area, from entry level to master coach.
Anyone involved in running a league should get a copy of the standards, read them, and try to make sure that every coach in the league meets them. A number of coaches' training and certification programs can help.
You can evaluate the coach How can you tell if the person coaching your kid knows what he's doing?
The best way is to make sure the coach has gone through a bona fide training or certification program. A second step is to ask the program administrator and the coach if they are familiar with, and follow, the new standards. Ultimately, though, it's up to you to do your own evaluation.
You can start by paying attention to the areas of concern outlined by the national standards. Observe the coach working with the players. Ask her or him questions that explore key areas. Here they are, with a summary of what coaches should be expected to know in each case:
Safety Coaches should insist on safe playing conditions, make sure proper safety equipment is used, see that athletes are properly onditioned, and be ready to take appropriate action if a medical emergency arises.
Growth, development, and learning Coaches should recognize the physical changes that occur as kids mature and should know how these changes influence learning and performance. They should also understand the social and emotional changes that are taking place in their athletes.
Social and psychological aspects Coaches should control their emotions, teach ethical conduct, provide positive feedback, and encourage athletes to set goals. They should use athletics to develop the complete person, and they should treat every athlete as an individual.
Training, conditioning, and nutrition Coaches should know the basics of how the human body works, so as not to develop training and conditioning programs that are bad for a child's body.
Skills, tactics, and strategies Coaches should use tactics and strategies that are appropriate for the age and skill levels of their athletes. They should be competent at planning practices, analyzing games, and scouting opponents.
Teaching and administration Coaches should be schooled in various teaching methods and should be objective when they evaluate talent.
Risk management Coaches should understand their legal responsibilities and inform athletes and parents of risks involved in playing a sport .
Professional preparation and development Coaches should be able to manage events, budgets, and facilities, and display a level of competency appropriate for the level they're coaching. Overwhelming? Perhaps, especially if you are judging some poor mom or dad (like you!). But it's time to take coaching seriously before something serious happens to your kid.
What if the coach doesn't measure up? You can do something about it. For example:
Talk to the coach. Is he aware of the problem, be it the use of batting helmets or his hot temper?
Offer to help. A rookie coach might be a little overwhelmed by all there is to do. You can help get things running smoothly.
Talk to the commissioner. Let the people in charge know if a dangerous or harmful situation exists and that you expect them to correct it.
Move your child to another team or league. If you feel the situation is untenable, consider finding another place for your child to play.
THE NEW NATIONAL COACHING STANDARDS
WHAT THEY ARE:
A master list of coaching competencies intended to give direction to administrators, coaches, athletes, and the general public regarding the skills and knowledge that coaches should possess. Each competency is divided into five levels, from entry level for beginning coaches to level five for "master coaches."
WHAT THEY AREN'T:
A national certification program to train coaches. The standards may serve as a model for organizations that certify, educate, and train coaches, but they are not sport -specific. Sponsoring sports organizations must develop programs for the specific needs of the coaches in their sport .
To purchase a copy of the National Standards for Athletic Coaches call 800-321-0789 or write to NASPE, 1900 Association Drive, Reston, VA 22091-1599.
IS YOUR COACH DOING A GOOD JOB?
A CHECKLIST
1- Organizes practices so that kids aren't just standing around
2- Demonstrates solid knowledge of the sport and the ability to teach kids new skills
3- Spends time talking to kids individually or in small groups
4- Pays attention to safety issues, including conditioning, equipment, and playing conditions
5- Never belittles a player, screams or otherwise uses an inappropriate tone of voice. Instead, criticizes play in a sensitive, positive manner
6- Listens to the kids and to their parents
7- Gives everyone a chance to play
8- Doesn't let winning become too important
9- Respects officials, opponents, and the rules of the game and teaches players to do likewise
10-Tries to make sports fun
WHO COACHES THE COACHES?
Coaching "competencies" and standards mean little unless the adults who run your children's teams are actually being trained, certified, or otherwise schooled in those standards. "At any given time," says Mike Clark of the Youth Sports Institute at Michigan State University, "thirty-five percent of our nation's youth are engaged in organized sports . But only twenty percent of the people in charge of those teams has had any formal training in coaching."
As a parent , you can help change that situation by urging that coaches in your kids' programs be required to complete a training program. Here are some groups that provide coaching education:
The National Youth Sports Coaches Association (NYSCA) has 2,000 chapters, in all 50 states. Each year, the NYSCA trains more than 150,000 coaches, who pay a small membership fee and undergo a program administered locally by NYSCA certified clinicians.
The American Sport Education Program (ASEP) has distributed some 625,000 sets of its training materials. Like NYSCA, ASEP leaves the training to local administrators, who use videos, books, and other materials provided. ASEP also has programs for sports parents and administrators.
The Program for Athletic Coaches' Education (PACE) is administered by the Youth Sports Institute at Michigan State University and is active primarily in Michigan, Wisconsin, Indiana, and Hawaii.
The National Institute for Child Centered Coaching offers videos, books, speakers, workshops, and newsletters for coaches, parents , and athletes. These programs concentrate on imbuing coaches with the proper philosophy and tools for working with children and some knowledge of safety considerations. They don't generally teach sport - specific strategies and coaching techniques. Some of the national sports governing bodies and national youth organizations have education programs for coaches who want to know more about a specific sport.
ASEP
P.O. Box 5076
Champaign, IL 61825
(800-747-5698)
www.asep.com
National Institute for Child Centered Coaching
3160 Pinebrook Road
Park City, UT 84098
(800-688-5822)
NYSCA
2050 Vista Parkway
W. Palm Beach, FL 33411
(800-729-2057)
www.nays.org
PACE
Youth Sports Institute
Michigan State University
East Lansing, MI 48824 (517-353-6689)
ed-web3.educ.msu.edu/ysi/
U.S. Olympic Committee: Coaching Division
One Olympic Plaza
Colorado Springs, CO 80909
www.olympic-usa.org
National Association for Sports and Physical Education (NASPE)
1900 Association Drive
Reston, VA 22091
www.aahperd/org/naspe/naspe-main.html
Below is a great article from Dr. Phil McGraw:
Competitive Parents: Are You Stepping Over the Line?
Are you nurturing a healthy, competitive spirit in your child or are you going too far?
Parents Step Over the Line When ...
1. The events become more important than the kids.
Whether it's a sporting game, theater production or music recital, the focus should be on your child having the ability to learn, build self-esteem and have fun. If winning is more important than your child receiving those benefits from the activity, you should reevaluate your motivation.
2. The events become a source of embarrassment for the child instead of a challenge and self-esteem builder.
If you are yelling at your child at his/her events, getting into confrontations with teachers/coaches/other parents, or engaging in any other behavior that is causing your child justified embarrassment or humiliation, you need to either control your behavior or remove yourself from the events.
3. The negative consequences of doing something exceed the positive benefits for the child.
Ask yourself if the pros outweigh the cons. Aside from embarrassment and humiliation, examples of negative consequences could include: pushing a child beyond his/her physical limits, causing injury; forcing a child into an activity he/she is uncomfortable with or unsuited for — which takes him/her away from necessary studies or other activities which could build self-esteem.
4. The parent becomes the authority of the event instead of the professionals.
Teachers and coaches are there for a reason. If you constantly feel the need to take control away from the professionals at your child's events, no matter who the authority figure is, you are crossing the line. Either control your behavior or don't attend the events.
www.softballmom.org/index.html
I was recently reading my issue of USA GYMNASTICS magazine when I came across a great article by Dr. Robyn J.A. Silvermann. The main point of the article is that parents can't just let go of their children. Although the article was about gymnastics schools, I think its point translates well to Softball, or any other sport for that matter. I have summarized a few key points here.
What is a helicopter parent? It's a parent who " swoops down and rush in to prevent any possible harm or discomfort that might befall their child-even if such lessons would help their child learn from their mistakes. "
So, what's the problem? The problem is that these parents want to do EVERYTHING for their child. As a coach, this becomes tough to deal with. How many coaches have you heard say," It's not the kids that I mind so much.... it;s the parents. The urgings of "you can do it" have turned to "just let me do it. It will be faster, bigger, bolder and just plain better if I do it."
So, other than the thought that these parents can do it better for their child why do they do it?
1. Control: Parents can't control terrorists, pedophiles, or other people who may do harm to their child. They can, however, control who their child spends time with and how they spend it.
2. Fear of Failure: These moms and dads cannot stand by and watch their child feel inadequate or miserable. The problem is that children need to learn to deal with these feelings and they can't learn it without dealing with them.
3. Desire to live vicariously: These parents want acceptance and approval from their helicopter activities. They take it personally when their child does not succeed.
4. Entitlement: These parents are always on the lookout for how their child compares to others. They keep looking at "everyone else's plate." They believe their child should get more of their time, energy, etc.
NEGATIVE EFFECTS:
1. Undermining their children's success: One of the indicators of successful people is the ability to handle ones own lives with confidence. This foundation of self -reliance lays the goundwork for commitment, perseverance, goal achievement, anc courage. When parents take over, they do not allow their child to learn how to take charge of their own lives.
2. Instilling fear of failure: If a child learns that success depends of mommy and daddy, he can become fearful of failing if he is on his own. If a child never gets to deal with failure ( which is a fact of life) he never learns how to persevere.
3. Stunting growth and development: Children with helicopter parents lose the ability to solve their own problems, provide their own needs, etc. They are less mature than their counterparts.
Strategies to "get over it."
1. Take advantage of disappointment. Disappointments are a great opportunity to learn resiliency. Allow your child to deal with negative events by empathizing and then helping your child "move on" instead of you trying to fix the problem.
2. Encourage your child to talk to the coach herself to handle any problems.
3. Let go a little at a time. Determine one or two things that a child can handle on her own during a set period of time. It can be smaller things to begin with. Over time, your child will be handling things more and more on her own.
4. Stay positive and "cheer" yourself on. Congratulate yourself or treat yourself everytime you stand back. To fight the feelings of temporary guilt, remind yourself that you are raising a future adult, not a future child. Every time you let your child handle things herself, you are helping her to become independent, resilitent, and strong.
USA Gymnastics Magazine, Volume #27, #8 - August, 2007
The following article was published in Sports Illustrated for Kids, June, 1997
BUILDING A TEAM PLAYER TEAMWORK SKILLS LEARNED ON THE
PLAYING FIELD CAN SERVE YOUR CHILD THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE
It was a situation that could have turned a game of baseball into a youth sports nightmare.
Late in a tight baseball game in Harlem last summer, the coach of a team of 13-to-15-year-olds realized that he hadn't met the league rules about playing time. Two players hadn't had their turn in the field. To accommodate both players meant taking out a key player. Not playing the reserves meant forfeiting the game.
As the kids began arguing over who would be benched, the team captain volunteered, "No problem, Coach, let him go in for me." The crisis was over, thanks to a simple act by a true team player.
Of course, it usually doesn't happen that way in youth sports (or college or the pros, for that matter). At a recent youth roller-hockey game, for example, the top player on one team hogged the puck virtually the entire game, making his teammates angry and frustrated. His team lost, 11-0.
It happens all the time: Basketball players take the wild shot, instead of making the pass, or soccer defenders wander out of position, leaving their teammates outmanned.
Being a team player is important, not only in sports but in life. The ability to cooperate, communicate, respect, and get along with others are valuable traits, whether you're in the board room or operating room, production line or chorus line. And there's no better place to learn these skills than on the playing field.
But becoming a good team player is a process, and it takes guidance. It's like building a house: Start with a good foundation, then move up. In preschool, children start to learn the concepts of sharing, taking turns, and cooperating. When you say things like, "Now, it's Tommy's turn," you are teaching your child to be a team player.
When your child starts to participate in team sports , he encounters different aspects of team play, such as the importance of team goals, roles, communication, camaraderie, and support. You can nurture his sense of team play by providing praise whenever you see him acting appropriately. A comment like "I saw you give Jose a pat on the back after he struck out. You're a good teammate" reinforces the importance of supporting teammates. Or saying "That pass you made to Suzy was pretty impressive" can lead to a discussion of how team play produces success.
If your child is not being a team player, take him aside and firmly but gently point out alternative behaviors. For instance, if he's trying to grab the basketball from his teammate, say, "If you want the ball, wave your arms and yell, 'I'm open!' "
The most important place to develop cooperation, respect, and support is in your everyday life. Children learn a lot from watching their parents , so make certain you are a good team player. Whether you are painting a room or dealing with a work crisis, goals, roles, communication, and other team-player skills are in order. Use those skills with your colleagues, your partners, and your kids. Chances are, your children will learn to use them too.
Dr. Michael Simon is a sports psychologist and a consultant to Major League Baseball, the National Hockey League, and the United States Tennis Association.
HOW TO CREATE A TEAM PLAYER
• Praise your child when he or she acts like a team player.
• After each game, ask your child, "What did you do for the team?"
• When watching sports with your child, point out examples of team play when you see them.
• Create a team environment at home in tackling common activities, such as preparing dinner.
• Make sure you act like a team player in sports and in everyday life.
Coaching Your Child in Youth Sports
By Jonathan H. Buzby
"The biggest challenge is how to treat your own child as a member of the team."
I have found two of the most challenging roles as an adult to be parenting and coaching children. This naturally makes coaching as a parent one of the toughest assignments you can undertake. Yet, as with parenting and coaching, being a parent-coach can be one of the most rewarding experiences you will ever encounter.
There are many reasons parents choose to coach. One is for the love of sports. There are many parents who coach before, during and after their own child plays sports. This parent probably played sports as a child and is a sports fanatic. A second reason parents coach is because their child will not participate if they are not involved in some way. Some children are accustomed to Mom and Dad being around all the time and do not take instruction well from others outside of a school setting. The third reason parents coach is because nobody else wants to do it. Without this dedicated parent the team might not exist. This parent may not have any sports experience, but is willing to take over the team for the benefit of the children.
Two of my proudest moments as a coach have been related to my role as a parent-coach. The first is when a mother told me it took her three practices to realize which child was mine. This told me that I was treating my child as a member of the team in all aspects of the practice. I instructed him as I did the other team members, spending as much individual time with him as I did with the other players but also insisting he follow the same rules as his teammates and not take advantage of Dad being the head coach.
No matter what reasons a parent becomes a coach the challenges are the same. The biggest challenge is how to treat your own child as a member of the team. Parents tend to treat their child in one of two ways. The first is by being harder on their child than the other team members. This is sometimes because a coach feels his/her child should lead by example. This might also be so the other parents won't accuse him/her of playing favorites. Regardless of the reason it should be avoided.
An example from my personal experience happened during a recent hockey game when I removed my son from the game because his shift was over and he began crying because he had not shot on goal yet. I became very angry ("no son of mine was going to carry on like that") and told him he wasn't going back in the game. I took a minute and recalled how I previously handled a similar situation with another player and realized I had made a mistake. I went to him and explained that "everyone has to play and take turns" and that he would get to go back in again when it was his shift. He quickly calmed down and returned to the game during his normal shift (he never did score). I learned an important lesson as a parent-coach that game.
The second way I have seen parent-coaches handle their own child is to treat him special. Special treatment is letting him always hit first or play a popular position all the time. This makes the transition to a non-parent head coach even more difficult and will upset the parents who paid money for their child to be treated as an equal player on the team. Your child has to understand that he will get to hit first or play point guard the same number of times all the other players do.
Treating your own child too harshly and favoring your child are two situations that should be avoided. One thing I've learned as a coach is to treat every child (including my own) like I would want my child to be treated if I weren't the coach.
My second proudest moment as a coach was when my son came over to the post-practice team huddle, put his arm around me and said, "Dad, you're a great coach!" I don't know of a parent or coach who couldn't be touched by that act of appreciation. It was a nice reminder that parents coach because they enjoy spending time with their kids and that your child will always appreciate you first and foremost as mom or dad.
You will be called upon to be a parent while you are coaching many times. It is difficult for kids to differentiate the roles of parent and coach and therefore you shouldn't expect them to never treat you like a parent during practices or games. An example would be when your child gets injured. Another player on the team might cry or get upset but probably wouldn't turn to you like he would his own parent. Your own child most likely will. He will expect you to act and treat him like a parent during these times and it is important that you do. If he falls and skins his knee at practice he expects you to treat him just like you do at home when the same thing happens. I tell parent-coaches to remember that "you'll be a coach for a season, you are a parent forever."
Another example would be when your child experiences the frustration of playing a bad game or losing. He won't want to hear your coaching speech on "lessons to be learned from losing" but instead will want to be consoled as a family member. I always make a point of avoiding "coach to player conversations" on the car ride home. Instead I make sure our conversation is as father and son whether we talk about the game or something completely irrelevant.
One last piece of advice I'll recommend is to take an opportunity to be a supportive parent-spectator for a season. This will give your child the experience of playing without you as a coach and might also give you some insight on how to treat him by seeing how he best reacts to different coaching styles.
No matter how many seasons you coach, being an effective parent-coach is a never-ending challenge. Keep these things in mind to help make coaching your child one of the best experiences you'll ever have.
Copyright © 1999 Jonathan H. Buzby Date Posted: May 1999
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Jonathan Buzby is the Director of Coaches Education for Special Olympics Delaware and is a volunteer coach for the Western Y.M.C.A. of Newark, Delaware. He has over fifteen years of experience administrating, teaching and coaching children in sports. He has written a book titled, "Coaching Kids: It's More than X's and O's". To order a copy of the book send $6.00 (shipping and handling included) to:
Kids-n-Sports
PO Box 1153
Bear, DE 19701-1153
Or e-mail your mailing address to kidsnsports@iname.com
DOES YOUR KID'S COACH KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING?
Source: www.sikids.com/sportsparents/coaching/coachknow.html
NEW NATIONAL STANDARDS TELL PARENTS WHAT TO EXPECT OF COACHES
by Kent Hannon
IF YOU'RE A PARENT OF ONE OF THE 30 MILLION U.S. children who participate in school - or community-based athletic programs, you should have asked yourself this question by now: Does my kid's coach know what he (or she) is doing?
But you probably haven't.
"We did a survey and found that the average youth sports coach spends 80 hours a season with his or her players," says Fred Engh, president of the National Youth Sports Coaches Association (NYSCA), a division of the National Alliance for Youth Sports . "And yet, for the most part, parents have no idea who that coach is, what he or she knows about sports , and what his or her values are in terms of kids having fun playing sports . Isn't that a travesty?"
Sometimes it's more than that. A lot more. Consider the following reported incidents:
In New York State, a Little League coach slammed an umpire to the ground over a disputed third-strike call against the coach's 11-year-old son.
In Iowa, a girls' softball coach was convicted of videotaping his players in the shower.
In California, an 18-year-old soccer player died of heatstroke during a six-mile run.
Fortunately, truly abusive and tragic incidents are rare. But how many times have you and your kids had to deal with a coach who: Puts too much emphasis on winning?
Doesn't understand the fundamentals of the sport he's coaching?
Jeopardizes players' health because of poor training procedures or improper use of safety equipment?
Reduces a player to tears by screaming or carrying on? Low expectations No self-respecting parent would dream of sending his or her child to a school in which the English teacher can't conjugate a verb or the kindergarten teacher doesn't know how to relate to 5-year-olds. Competency is something parents demand in teachers, and a college degree isn't proof of that competency. To get a teacher's license, special training is required. So why do parents who demand excellence in the classroom entrust their kids' physical and psychological development and well-being to coaches whose only credential is that they once played the sport or simply exhibit a willingness to show up on a regular basis?
One reason is that, when it comes to community-based youth leagues, often those parents "or their friends and neighbors" are the coaches. Most coaches of young kids are volunteers whose hearts are in the right place. Sometimes they know they are not qualified to coach a sport , like soccer, for example. But they stepped forward because no one else was willing to. Without them, the kids might not get to play.
Expectations of youth coaches are low also because there are so many volunteer coaches across the country. An estimated 2.5 million coaches run teams that involve kids between ages 6 and 18. And the turnover is extraordinary. "The typical youth sports coach has a career of three to five years," says Mike Clark of the Youth Sports Institute, at Michigan State University. "It pretty much parallels the participation of their child."
Finally, some standards Even if a parent wanted to evaluate his or her child's coach, until recently, there was no objective standard by which to do so. But last August, for the first time, a national set of coaching guidelines was released. Developed under the auspices of the National Association for Sports and Physical Education (NASPE), these standards establish fundamental competencies that communities, school systems, private leagues, administrators, parents , and athletes should expect of their coaches.
The standards took two years to develop; hundreds of coaches, administrators, and sports leaders provided input. The result is a 124-page booklet entitled National Standards for Athletic Coaches, which, while easier to understand than a computer manual, isn't exactly light reading. It lists 37 standards in eight different areas of concern, setting five levels of competency in each area, from entry level to master coach.
Anyone involved in running a league should get a copy of the standards, read them, and try to make sure that every coach in the league meets them. A number of coaches' training and certification programs can help.
You can evaluate the coach How can you tell if the person coaching your kid knows what he's doing?
The best way is to make sure the coach has gone through a bona fide training or certification program. A second step is to ask the program administrator and the coach if they are familiar with, and follow, the new standards. Ultimately, though, it's up to you to do your own evaluation.
You can start by paying attention to the areas of concern outlined by the national standards. Observe the coach working with the players. Ask her or him questions that explore key areas. Here they are, with a summary of what coaches should be expected to know in each case:
Safety Coaches should insist on safe playing conditions, make sure proper safety equipment is used, see that athletes are properly onditioned, and be ready to take appropriate action if a medical emergency arises.
Growth, development, and learning Coaches should recognize the physical changes that occur as kids mature and should know how these changes influence learning and performance. They should also understand the social and emotional changes that are taking place in their athletes.
Social and psychological aspects Coaches should control their emotions, teach ethical conduct, provide positive feedback, and encourage athletes to set goals. They should use athletics to develop the complete person, and they should treat every athlete as an individual.
Training, conditioning, and nutrition Coaches should know the basics of how the human body works, so as not to develop training and conditioning programs that are bad for a child's body.
Skills, tactics, and strategies Coaches should use tactics and strategies that are appropriate for the age and skill levels of their athletes. They should be competent at planning practices, analyzing games, and scouting opponents.
Teaching and administration Coaches should be schooled in various teaching methods and should be objective when they evaluate talent.
Risk management Coaches should understand their legal responsibilities and inform athletes and parents of risks involved in playing a sport .
Professional preparation and development Coaches should be able to manage events, budgets, and facilities, and display a level of competency appropriate for the level they're coaching. Overwhelming? Perhaps, especially if you are judging some poor mom or dad (like you!). But it's time to take coaching seriously before something serious happens to your kid.
What if the coach doesn't measure up? You can do something about it. For example:
Talk to the coach. Is he aware of the problem, be it the use of batting helmets or his hot temper?
Offer to help. A rookie coach might be a little overwhelmed by all there is to do. You can help get things running smoothly.
Talk to the commissioner. Let the people in charge know if a dangerous or harmful situation exists and that you expect them to correct it.
Move your child to another team or league. If you feel the situation is untenable, consider finding another place for your child to play.
THE NEW NATIONAL COACHING STANDARDS
WHAT THEY ARE:
A master list of coaching competencies intended to give direction to administrators, coaches, athletes, and the general public regarding the skills and knowledge that coaches should possess. Each competency is divided into five levels, from entry level for beginning coaches to level five for "master coaches."
WHAT THEY AREN'T:
A national certification program to train coaches. The standards may serve as a model for organizations that certify, educate, and train coaches, but they are not sport -specific. Sponsoring sports organizations must develop programs for the specific needs of the coaches in their sport .
To purchase a copy of the National Standards for Athletic Coaches call 800-321-0789 or write to NASPE, 1900 Association Drive, Reston, VA 22091-1599.
IS YOUR COACH DOING A GOOD JOB?
A CHECKLIST
1- Organizes practices so that kids aren't just standing around
2- Demonstrates solid knowledge of the sport and the ability to teach kids new skills
3- Spends time talking to kids individually or in small groups
4- Pays attention to safety issues, including conditioning, equipment, and playing conditions
5- Never belittles a player, screams or otherwise uses an inappropriate tone of voice. Instead, criticizes play in a sensitive, positive manner
6- Listens to the kids and to their parents
7- Gives everyone a chance to play
8- Doesn't let winning become too important
9- Respects officials, opponents, and the rules of the game and teaches players to do likewise
10-Tries to make sports fun
WHO COACHES THE COACHES?
Coaching "competencies" and standards mean little unless the adults who run your children's teams are actually being trained, certified, or otherwise schooled in those standards. "At any given time," says Mike Clark of the Youth Sports Institute at Michigan State University, "thirty-five percent of our nation's youth are engaged in organized sports . But only twenty percent of the people in charge of those teams has had any formal training in coaching."
As a parent , you can help change that situation by urging that coaches in your kids' programs be required to complete a training program. Here are some groups that provide coaching education:
The National Youth Sports Coaches Association (NYSCA) has 2,000 chapters, in all 50 states. Each year, the NYSCA trains more than 150,000 coaches, who pay a small membership fee and undergo a program administered locally by NYSCA certified clinicians.
The American Sport Education Program (ASEP) has distributed some 625,000 sets of its training materials. Like NYSCA, ASEP leaves the training to local administrators, who use videos, books, and other materials provided. ASEP also has programs for sports parents and administrators.
The Program for Athletic Coaches' Education (PACE) is administered by the Youth Sports Institute at Michigan State University and is active primarily in Michigan, Wisconsin, Indiana, and Hawaii.
The National Institute for Child Centered Coaching offers videos, books, speakers, workshops, and newsletters for coaches, parents , and athletes. These programs concentrate on imbuing coaches with the proper philosophy and tools for working with children and some knowledge of safety considerations. They don't generally teach sport - specific strategies and coaching techniques. Some of the national sports governing bodies and national youth organizations have education programs for coaches who want to know more about a specific sport.
ASEP
P.O. Box 5076
Champaign, IL 61825
(800-747-5698)
www.asep.com
National Institute for Child Centered Coaching
3160 Pinebrook Road
Park City, UT 84098
(800-688-5822)
NYSCA
2050 Vista Parkway
W. Palm Beach, FL 33411
(800-729-2057)
www.nays.org
PACE
Youth Sports Institute
Michigan State University
East Lansing, MI 48824 (517-353-6689)
ed-web3.educ.msu.edu/ysi/
U.S. Olympic Committee: Coaching Division
One Olympic Plaza
Colorado Springs, CO 80909
www.olympic-usa.org
National Association for Sports and Physical Education (NASPE)
1900 Association Drive
Reston, VA 22091
www.aahperd/org/naspe/naspe-main.html
Below is a great article from Dr. Phil McGraw:
Competitive Parents: Are You Stepping Over the Line?
Are you nurturing a healthy, competitive spirit in your child or are you going too far?
Parents Step Over the Line When ...
1. The events become more important than the kids.
Whether it's a sporting game, theater production or music recital, the focus should be on your child having the ability to learn, build self-esteem and have fun. If winning is more important than your child receiving those benefits from the activity, you should reevaluate your motivation.
2. The events become a source of embarrassment for the child instead of a challenge and self-esteem builder.
If you are yelling at your child at his/her events, getting into confrontations with teachers/coaches/other parents, or engaging in any other behavior that is causing your child justified embarrassment or humiliation, you need to either control your behavior or remove yourself from the events.
3. The negative consequences of doing something exceed the positive benefits for the child.
Ask yourself if the pros outweigh the cons. Aside from embarrassment and humiliation, examples of negative consequences could include: pushing a child beyond his/her physical limits, causing injury; forcing a child into an activity he/she is uncomfortable with or unsuited for — which takes him/her away from necessary studies or other activities which could build self-esteem.
4. The parent becomes the authority of the event instead of the professionals.
Teachers and coaches are there for a reason. If you constantly feel the need to take control away from the professionals at your child's events, no matter who the authority figure is, you are crossing the line. Either control your behavior or don't attend the events.
www.softballmom.org/index.html